Ok so first things first. I am so sorry
it's taken me so long to get back on here, I've been trying so hard
to think of something to tell you guys that might actually be helpful
for you and I think I've finally got something. This one is a bit
hard for me to write about but it's also something close to my heart
and that has affected me a lot in my own health journey.
Over my time being sick I've met a lot of other sick people, some who have been sick for much longer than I've been alive. I can't even imagine the heartache that would bring, six years is about all I can take before I give up. And that's what I wanted to write about today. When people stop fighting, do you judge them? Or do you ask them what they've been through and try to understand?
As long as we're being honest I have to admit I have done my own bit of judging other people for 'giving up' but I've grown through that and tried to learn what it is that makes them not want to try any more, and after years of trying to figure out how someone could stop trying to beat this thing inside them that has completely taken over their life, I finally got it. Not because of others experiences but because I wanted so much to hit that spot myself. I wanted to give up and just let my illness dictate my life. It was a scary place to be and one I thought I'd never be in, I also knew that if I stopped fighting then I wouldn't actually be living, I would simply exist and I didn't want to just exist so what was the point of being alive? I'm not saying I was suicidal, but I finally understood the desperateness of the situation that unfortunately far to many people find themselves in. I'm sorry if I'm making you feel uncomfortable guys but pretty please stay with me on this one.
Actually the reason I haven't been back on here since I've been back is because I have been metaphorically and literally stamping my feet and refusing to keep fighting over the last few weeks. About two weeks after I got back from my three months in America I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor, my hair only half washed because I physically could not lift my arms to wash it any more and I said to my parents between sobs 'I can't do this any more'. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed, pull the doona over my head and not face any of my problems ever again. I felt alone in my fight. And this is where curiosity comes in. Even in that space all anyone had to do to pull me out of it was say 'Hey, how are you?' And actually mean it. I think a lot of people are scared to ask a chronically ill person how they're feeling because they might offend them or their answer might make both parties uncomfortable. But really you asking that question is pretty much like you're saying 'I'm on your team. I've got you.'
So if you're thinking to yourself 'Mia, surely it can't be that easy.' Well I'm pretty sure it is. It could just be me... But of all the sick people out there in the same position surely there is someone like me who just needs people to be genuine and caring. And I totally believe that we live in a world full of genuine and caring people. So go on, be curious. You could change that persons day, or you could even pull them up and help them believe that they can get through this.
Over my time being sick I've met a lot of other sick people, some who have been sick for much longer than I've been alive. I can't even imagine the heartache that would bring, six years is about all I can take before I give up. And that's what I wanted to write about today. When people stop fighting, do you judge them? Or do you ask them what they've been through and try to understand?
As long as we're being honest I have to admit I have done my own bit of judging other people for 'giving up' but I've grown through that and tried to learn what it is that makes them not want to try any more, and after years of trying to figure out how someone could stop trying to beat this thing inside them that has completely taken over their life, I finally got it. Not because of others experiences but because I wanted so much to hit that spot myself. I wanted to give up and just let my illness dictate my life. It was a scary place to be and one I thought I'd never be in, I also knew that if I stopped fighting then I wouldn't actually be living, I would simply exist and I didn't want to just exist so what was the point of being alive? I'm not saying I was suicidal, but I finally understood the desperateness of the situation that unfortunately far to many people find themselves in. I'm sorry if I'm making you feel uncomfortable guys but pretty please stay with me on this one.
Actually the reason I haven't been back on here since I've been back is because I have been metaphorically and literally stamping my feet and refusing to keep fighting over the last few weeks. About two weeks after I got back from my three months in America I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor, my hair only half washed because I physically could not lift my arms to wash it any more and I said to my parents between sobs 'I can't do this any more'. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed, pull the doona over my head and not face any of my problems ever again. I felt alone in my fight. And this is where curiosity comes in. Even in that space all anyone had to do to pull me out of it was say 'Hey, how are you?' And actually mean it. I think a lot of people are scared to ask a chronically ill person how they're feeling because they might offend them or their answer might make both parties uncomfortable. But really you asking that question is pretty much like you're saying 'I'm on your team. I've got you.'
So if you're thinking to yourself 'Mia, surely it can't be that easy.' Well I'm pretty sure it is. It could just be me... But of all the sick people out there in the same position surely there is someone like me who just needs people to be genuine and caring. And I totally believe that we live in a world full of genuine and caring people. So go on, be curious. You could change that persons day, or you could even pull them up and help them believe that they can get through this.
